Tuesday 27 September 2011

fish and moose pilot

Last night Finn and I finished the first draft of our screenplay for the pilot episode of a sitcom called Fish and Moose, why not click here for the synopsis.

We went out drinking to celebrate and sent it on to friends for feedback, more news in future no doubt :-)

Monday 26 September 2011

Illich Performs Live, Great Responses

Euan and I performed as part of the Three Chord Theatre event last ngiht held at the Flying Duck in Glasgow,

Before shooting over to Ayr to do a second show at an "alternative variety show" set up by Warcry Productions taking place at Saffy's Cafe, Bar and Brasserie.

We were absolutely overwhelmed with the positive responses we got to each of the shows, people laughed all the way through and gave us fantastic compliments and we made some contacts regarding future performances.

Thankyou to Kenny Boyle and Andrew Campbell for booking us!

More to come :-)

Friday 23 September 2011

Whoa There Cassanova - Scene 1 - First Complete Draft

Coming back to unfinished writing really works! This play was kind of put on hold for a while, partly because I had so many ideas and wasn't quite sure of how to put them in the right order, partly because I didn't know what to do with the opening scene (ding ding ding!), and partly cos I'm a lazy git. 

The other day I returned to mess around with Scene 3 and some other bits and pieces and it really helped me get back into the creative mindset. When I went out I was consumed with finding the ideas to make this play work! I essentially came up with this this scene on the train home last night! Let me know one way or the other! :-)

Scene 1
A Bar.
ALICE is standing with ROSA at a cigarette machine or juke-box trying to get it to work - the bar is at the other side of the stage. ALEX is in the vicinity, he could be queuing, or just in the general area. He spots the two and judges ALICE the better looking, but part of his approach is not letting on.
ALEX - You're doing that wrong.
ALICE - Excuse me?
ALEX - You're doing that wrong, here, let me...
He fiddles with it.
ALEX - and... There you go, easy.
ROSA gapes for a second and smiles but tries to act unimpressed.
ROSA - Very good. Were you trying to be helpful or humiliating?
ALEX - Nice eyes Sparkles, where'd you score those?
ROSA - Urm my mum’s genes I guess.
ALEX - Good enough for me, you can be my walking up to the bar partner.
ROSA – Walking up to the bar partner?
ALEX - If you're up to the task that is.
ROSA – It's not exactly a demanding task.
ALEX – Well prove it then, sidekick.
ROSA – I am not a sidekick.
ALICE - I think you'll find she's my walking up to the bar partner.
ALEX - I know your game. You’re just saying that because you want me as a walking up to the bar partner. Well come on then, let's all go up to the bar, it's my round.
They begin meandering, ROSA clearly taken by his confidence and flattery, ALICE thinks he’s obnoxious but can’t fault his sense of humour (yet.)
ALICE - You're buying us drinks?
ALEX - What? No! I've just met you! It's my round at that table over there, jeez the presumptuousness of some people!
ALICE – Yeah, I see exactly what you mean.
ALEX - Hey, that’s no way to talk to your new walking up to the bar partner.
ALICE - You started it!
ALEX - Oh real mature.
ROSA is ordering.
ROSA - What you having Alice?
ALICE - Long vodka, diet.
ROSA – To BARMAN Two long vodkas please, one diet.
ALEX - So you're Alice, and she's...?
ROSA turns from the bar and puts out her hand to shake ALEXes across ALICE.
ROSA – Rosa.
ALEX – Glibly, as though this whole paragraph were one neat sentence. Nice to meet you Sparkles. TO BOTH I’ve only got five minutes then I gotta get back to my friends so make best use of me. TO ROSA You got any pets? TO BARMAN Yeah I’ll have four pints of Kroenie and two long vodkas, one diet. TO BOTH See, I’m not so bad after all.
He pays and even tips.
ALICE – That remains to be seen.
ALEX – MATTER-OF-FACTLY TO ALICE You can get me the next one.
ROSA – COMPETING FOR ATTENTION I have a budgie.
ALICE – I have a pug.
ALEX - Pugs may be cute but they’re also ugly. You ought to be careful, they say people get to looking like their pets. Get a Lab. Personally I’ve always had cats, that’s why I’m so adorable.
ALICE – A-dork-able more like. You always this cocky?
ALEX – No, sometimes I’m that cocky. Catch you later.
He walks off taking the four drinks on a tray. This is important so that he doesn’t look stupid trying to carry four pints. At some point he will meander back on with his pint to start fiddling with the cigarette machine/juke-box again – he never got a chance to get cigs or choose songs due to accompanying the girls to the bar.

ALICE – Can you believe that guy?
ROSA – Kind of. I think you’ve got a chance with him.
ALICE – A chance with him? He’s in with a chance of being strangled more like!
ROSA – Why? He’s kinda hot.
ALICE – Why don’t you go over and jump on his cock then?
ROSA – Bernard. And besides, I’m not the one he was flirting with.
ALICE – Oh, right-on “Sparkles”, that was flirting? I thought I’d just been insulted.
ROSA – Well you know what they say, treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen.
AICE – Well I’m not keen.
ROSA – Yeah but I think you should go back over and talk to him anyway.
ALICE – What?
ROSA – Go! Go! Go! Get some!
ALICE – But I don’t want so…[me]
ROSA – GO!
She pushes her in his direction.

ALICE – Hey I just came over because my stupid friend thought I should talk to you more. I can’t see why, you implied I look like a dog.
ALEX – Well you’re not exactly a 10 but I wouldn’t say you’re a dog!
ALICE – Oh for fucks sake!
ALEX – laughing at her reaction Hey chill out, I’m just kidding. If it makes you feel any better people don’t make fun of people they don’t like. Well, not to their faces anyway. I was just thinking of heading actually, my idiot friends have resigned themselves to a night of playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire, you coming?
ALICE – What? Just like that? I don’t think so…
ALEX - Alright then see you later.
He makes to leave.
ALICE - What? Wait…
She stumbles off after him.



Scene 2
They are traversing the stage which is a street.
ALEX – So what superhero powers do you have?
ALICE - I can do a rubix cube?
ALEX - Yeah? In how long?
ALICE - Ummmm..... Um... I could do it in under a minute at school?
ALEX – Could you do it in any shorter than it took you to answer the question there?
ALICE – No probably not.
ALEX - I know someone who can. His record is 3.75 seconds.
ALICE - How? I don't understand it. I've seen videos of people doing it and I still don't understand it.
ALEX - Algorithms. Do you use algorithms?
ALICE – No.
ALEX – That’s a shame, I was just seeing if you were capable of joining my superhero society for people with superpowers, but you don’t do algorithms.
ALICE – Algorithms are a superpower?
ALEX - Superpower? What are you taking about? I don't have a superpower. No one does.

ALEX freezes. ALICE turns as ROSA walks on to the very side of the stage.
Alternatively this can be done as a voice-over or by other means, Directors call.
In Alice’s head:
ROSA – See? He's so into his daytime persona that he won't even admit what his super-power is. A regular Clark Kent!
ALICE – I’ve got a pretty good idea it’s x-ray vision judging by the way he looked at my chest. Which reminds me…
The scene resumes where it left off:

ALICE – I should probably call Rosa to tell her where I am and where I’m going.
She taps her cleavage for her phone. As she does:
ALEX – Sparkles?
ALICE – Oh shit! Shit Shit Shit! Fuck! I left my phone and my purse in her bag! Fuck!
ALEX – Hey don’t worry about it, here, use mine.
ALICE – It’s not that, I’m diabetic. I need to get something to eat on the way home to manage my insulin.
ALEX – Shit let’s stop here then, I’ll get you something, what do you need? Should I call you a cab?
ALICE – No, no, I’ll be fine, it’s just…
Said as though meaning: “I can’t believe I forgot”:
ALICE - Shit!

Thursday 22 September 2011

100 word story - 1

I brought out the best in you and you the worst in me!

Well you always liked it when I acted cocky and aloof, didn’t you? You seemed to find it sexy.

I found you most attractive when you showed your virtuous side by doing something sweet. A smile would creep across my face and a sigh wrapped itself around my heart.

So I’d appeal to you by appearing the perfect saint, and you’d appeal to me by acting sexy and aloof, and we could never find the right meeting of hearts.

Funny that, isn’t it?

--------


This submitted to the 100 Word Story Competition at Readers Digest
Thinking of submitting another one.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

I want my work to make people more sane

that sounds like something that could go on my epitaph.

as well as these new philosophic quotes I recently coined: "sometimes being a writer also means being a reader" and "ideas aren't created, they're noticed"

I note that the submission deadline for Stag Nights 2011, a yearly theatre festival showcasing new theatre from Glasgow Uni students over three nights, is fast approaching, in fact it's in two weeks.

And I have nothing new finished! Argh!

I have four plays in progress: Whoa There Cassanova, Robin, Like The Greeks and The Melody

I'm going to edit this later and give brief descriptions of each of them.

but none are that near completion.

I'd like to submit Like The Greeks most of all but it's a tough one to finish. Today I've mostly been working on Whoa There Cassanova and it's been coming on well, more news soon.

Sunday 4 September 2011

No Alternative? See Iceland.

"Millions of lives have been severely affected because of the claim that there was ‘no alternative’ to bailing out the banks that caused the economic crisis. But the people of Iceland have shown that this is nonsense. 
You would have heard a great deal about Iceland in 2008 when its banking system suffered a monumental and extraordinary collapse. Relative to the size of the Icelandic economy it was the biggest banking crash in economic history.

You hear very little about Iceland today because of the way its population of 320,000 dealt with the enormous challenges they were suddenly facing. There is nothing more dangerous to ‘no alternative’ than another alternative that works … the threat of a good example.
Don’t mention Iceland - Shhhhhh!

Today, just three years later, Iceland’s economy is recovering from the biggest comparative banking collapse in history because … they didn’t bail out the banks - they let them fail. Those who caused the problem took the consequences. This was the result of the Icelandic people refusing to take the hit for the mess the banks had created.

It was not the Icelandic people who chose to invest in the seriously dodgy foreign investor accounts promoted by Iceland’s private banks offering a better rate of return - it was the overseas investors. Why should those who didn’t own the banks repay the losses of private owners and investors in those banks? That was the stance of the Icelandic people and they were not budging."
- More or less as it appeared here